Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgiving and Forgetting

as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12 (ESV)
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
The Sixth Petition of the Lord’s Prayer

“Forgive and forget.” That’s the old saying. Its been taught to us for so long that we have passed it down to our children. If we truly stick by those words and fully implement their intent, the world would, indeed, be a much more grace-filled place. But, as imperfect humans so often will do, we get the words twisted around—even if there are only three of them—and just make matters worse.

Somewhere along the way we began equating forgetting with forgiving. Instead of forgiving someone first, we just move right to the forgetting. We try to forget their error or, worse yet, they themselves. When we or someone we know has been wronged, instead of confronting the offense, we try to just forget about it. When a problem arises we say, “Just leave well enough alone, you’ll only make it worse.” Sometimes we try to rationalize our behavior by saying, “Oh, just ignore him/her. If you confront them you’ll only encourage them.” While great ways to avoid confrontation, these are not good ways to “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34 NIV) In fact, many people who have never resolved conflict with another wait their whole lives for “the other shoe to drop,” wondering when the other party will get even or bring up the conflict as a way of bringing hurt and pain to the other. “Forgetting” before forgiving almost always guarantees that NO ONE will forget about it.

This month I’d like to challenge the wisdom of the ages and ask you to venture with me into two very important passages of scripture we know very well so that we might get a grasp on what true forgiveness is. The first is Psalm 103 and the second is from the Lord’s Prayer found in Matthew 6 and Luke 11. In each of them we see that forgiveness is an act of love between God and us as well as between you and me and you and your neighbor.

Psalm 103 gives us the reassurance that in knowing our sin, God can make sure it is far removed from us. That was the whole point of sending his Son into the world; to be the largest wedge there could possibly be to separate us from our sin. By being sinless and then dying the sinners’ death, he became our sin so that we would no longer be identified by or with those sins. When God sees us he has not forgotten our sins, for they cost him dearly. He knows exactly where they are; on the crucified body of Jesus, far-removed from any of us. We are here on earth, while our sins are on Jesus who awaits us in heaven. If Christ had not been sinless, our sin would not be at the opposite end of the universe as the Psalmist posits but, rather, would still be clinging to us. Give thanks today that God knows exactly where your sins are; away from you and on Jesus.

The Lord’s Prayer continues this line of thinking as our Lord is the example by which we are to treat one another. As we pray to our Father to be forgiven, we realize that out of his great love and compassion he has already done so by Jesus’ death and resurrection and has fulfilled what the Psalmist prayed for in Psalm 103. In this prayer our Savior instructs us to extend forgiveness to our fellow brothers and sisters, for it is by His forgiveness that they are saved, just as we were.

By paying attention to God’s word in these verses we avoid the trap of forgetting without forgiving. To not forgive another is to say that they are less worthy of forgiveness than we. By doing this we say that our sin is not nearly so bad as theirs and that while Christ’s suffering and death was sufficient for us, it was not for our brother or sister. This diminishes our Lord's suffering and death. An inability to forgive others also tempts us to place ourselves above God as we become our own god, judging who shall and shall not receive grace; grace that isn’t ours to give.

If we are to truly receive AND REJOICE in our forgiveness we must forgive one another of our sins against each other, whether that is a family member, a co-worker, a neighbor or a fellow church member. But before we can forgive and be forgiven, there must be repentance; otherwise we are just forgetting our offenses in hopes that they’ll be forgotten.

This month, let’s all pray Psalm 103 and the Lord’s Prayer with new vigor as we seek and extend God’s forgiveness which is found in Christ Jesus. Pray that your heart will be open to repentance where you have offended others and pray that you might be willing forgive when others repent to you. This is the way in which God reconciles us to him and it’s the same way that we reconcile with one another. And when the Body of Christ lives in God’s grace it’s a beautiful and bountiful thing.